Do you ever find yourself saying “I know I should feel grateful, but I don’t?”  If so, read on because this blog post is for you.

Feeling Grateful is Not a Cultural Norm

Many people have an inability to feel much gratitude.  Whether it comes from a childhood upbringing where it was modeled for us how to find fault in the outside world...and in the family, or it comes from having been abused or neglected, we live in a culture that doesn’t foster a sense of gratitude.  It can also come from the idea that we always need to have more...of everything! Whatever we’ve got isn’t enough, and there can never be enough of anything. All these cultural factors go against the idea that we can be grateful.

The Main Culprit is Trauma Against Feeling Grateful

We can’t feel grateful if our emotions have been numbed out, and one of the main reasons for feelings being numbed is trauma.  Often this happens in childhood, whether it’s abuse from a caregiver or witnessing horrific events, trauma causes people to feel shock.  When they’ve experienced shock, the residual emotion is numbness, which is more a lack of feeling than anything else. People can try all kinds of ways to reinforce this feeling of numbness, including developing addictions and compulsive behavior.  If I’m feeling numb all the time, when I would otherwise feel grateful for something fortunate happening, what I wind up feeling is just numb. Even if I have a personality disorder, such as narcissism, that most often is set in motion by childhood trauma of some sort as well.  Then I wind up feeling entitled to everything I have or get, so I don’t feel grateful in that case as well.  

What You Can Do About Not Feeling Grateful

You can’t will yourself to have a feeling of gratitude when you otherwise lack it, but you can cultivate a practice of choosing to acknowledge things to be grateful for.  You can also express gratitude despite not feeling it as well. As one great spiritual thinker once shared, you can choose to express gratitude until you eventually feel it.  Having a practice of finding things to be grateful for is very key to living a happy life. Some people make lists of things their grateful for. Other people write down things their grateful for on slips of paper and look over the list in times of emotional upset or depression.  Whatever they do, these people basically make gratitude a practice. Chances are, if you do this, you will eventually feel gratitude. You will definitely start to reverse a pessimistic outlook on life with a more optimistic one, and this correlates positively with improved mental health.  

How I Help People With Feeling Grateful

Sometimes when people have suffered trauma that leaves them emotionally numb, they need some form of trauma therapy.  They may have an inability to find enjoyment in activities they used to enjoy as well. In these cases, trauma therapy is usually a good idea for people.  I have been doing trauma therapy with people for going on 7 years now and have helped well over a hundred people find some degree of gratitude in their lives.  I can attest to how effective trauma therapy helps people to have a richer emotional life and regain a functional ability they may have lost in many respects. If you would like to find out how I can help you in overcoming trauma and in rekindling an ability to feel gratitude, feel free to call me at 512-648-3053, or fill out the form below for a free 15-minute phone consult.  The most important thing is reaching out for the help you seek, then doors can start opening and you can get a better ability to feel grateful just for starting to recover your feelings and emotions.  

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, MD.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His new e-book is entitled Life’s Lessons from the Young and the Old and is available for purchase on Amazon.

Visit our page on trauma therapy to learn more about how Scott can help you in overcoming trauma.