Have you ever found yourself reacting to the world around you like a pinball in a pinball machine?  When someone acted a certain way to you, you just had some extreme reaction that totally threw you and your day off balance?  Or have you found your whole day being thrown off by some unexpected event that rattled you to your core?  These all point to the need for structure for safety from addictive behavior, which I covered in Chapter 3 of my book The Five Pillars of Addiction Recovery.  Below is a synopsis of this important and indispensable pillar.  

Structure And Safety Are All-Time Lows for Many People These Days

One of the key features of life as most people live it nowadays is the lack of both structure and safety in their day to day lives.  People who are victims of natural disasters or live in war-torn countries are especially vulnerable to having their whole lives thrown off by these tremendous disruptions.  In a similar way, people who suffer from addiction issues can live in a survival or siege mentality where structure of their lives is totally missing and the normal sense of safety that goes with it is totally gone.  

Structure and Safety are About Boundaries

You need to have clarity about what it is that you need to avoid in terms of your addictive substance or behavior.  For those with drug addiction issues, it is usually pretty clear they will need to avoid that substance altogether.  With behavioral or process addiction, it is less clear. For example, someone with overeating issues can’t avoid food, so they need to have some clarity about what is crossing a line for them.  This could be avoiding processed sugar or overdoing it with carbs or something like that.  Whatever your problem substance or behavior, have a clear boundary about what is going too far.  It is often helpful to bounce this off another person, like a therapist or a program sponsor.  

Routines Add to Your Sense of Structure and Safety

Having a daily schedule may seem boring and ho-hum, but the truth is that it is one of the most critical components of a solid recovery program.  You may have grown up in a family that was chaotic in nature, and may have become addicted to this experience.  That makes it familiar, but not healthy.  There is an important safety in having daily routines that helps you be more functional and to be able to achieve life goals that you probably know are in your best interest.  This isn’t about being a slave to your schedule, as you can always make changes to accommodate spontaneity and circumstances; but it is about having a feeling of control over things you can control, which is critical to long-term recovery.  

Other Important Aspects of Structure and Safety

Developing positive habits are also key to this whole experience of recovery.  Things like getting regular exercise, adequate sleep and rest, and eating healthy require self-discipline.  Starting small with making changes is the best long-term approach here, and having the support of a recovery group can be critical here (I mentioned this in my previous month’s Pillar).  Another is planning for triggers, which involves identifying situations that put your abstinence at risk and making a plan ahead of time about how to deal with these.  One trigger could be interacting with family members who push your buttons, and a plan could involve contacting a supportive friend  before or after interactions with them.  Sometimes these simple things can be the difference between success and a complete relapse.  Another consideration here is changing people, places, and things; which may be necessary to help ensure you don’t relapse.  You very well may need to take a different route to work to avoid going into a bar if you have alcoholic tendencies, or avoid a certain street corner if that is where your dealer usually hangs out, etc.  There is nothing wrong with this, and those who tell you that you ‘should’ be able to frequent your old haunts and not be tempted are flat out wrong.

What to do if Structure and Safety Seem Unattainable

I’ve been helping people struggling with addictions overcome them for years, and I encourage you to look into purchasing The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery on Amazon or via this website.  If you are a male struggling with problematic or compulsive sexual behavior and would like a free consult, I offer 45 appointments via telehealth to help you get a better idea about whether I can help you or not.  There are also some helpful support groups out there that can offer mutual support in recovering from addictions.  Regardless of your circumstances, help is out there.  You can reach me by calling the number at the top of this page or filling out the inquiry form below and I will get back to you as soon as I can about scheduling an appointment.  Your life depends on you taking care of yourself, and the best way to start is to take action to get recovery help as soon as possible.

Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to find out how Scott can help you with addiction recovery.  

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin.  He now works with adults and adolescents 12 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.