Do you often feel like no one cares about you, or that others have social connections that you lack?  Do you often feel like no one understands you or ‘gets you,’ and tend to feel the ache of not having others in your life?  If you do, read on because this week’s post is just for you!

Loneliness is a Problem of Epic Proportions These Days

Just in the last few years of living through Covid, we have established a new threshold for the degree of disconnection and loneliness that people suffer from.  It was already a big problem with the advent of big tech and smartphone technology driving people ever further away from each other in subtle ways.  Some people have emerged from the pandemic experience of aloneness only to be thrust back into it by illness, disability, relocation, or a job loss.  The issue at the heart of the problem is that we are social creatures and need other people, regardless of what we may tell ourselves to the contrary.  

The Different Aspects of Loneliness

One of the primary experiences of loneliness has to do with the emotional pain that people suffer from because of this problem.  It simply hurts to not have a connection with others…some people are more acutely aware of this than others.  For example, young people can be much more aware of their own aloneness than older adults who might have become resigned to feeling lonely much of the time.  In addition to that, the feeling of aloneness itself is something distinct all to itself.  It may not hurt like emotional pain does, but it doesn’t feel good all the same.  That part of the situation deserves attention as well.  On top of that, you may also feel despair that nothing is ever going to change in your life.  If you are a shut-in for whatever reason, you could see your life as a never-ending stretch of being alone with no end in sight.  That’s where despair can be a part of the problem as well.  Addressing that can be important, too.

The Way Out of Loneliness

The short answer to the problem of loneliness is to find others to connect with, in big and small ways.  One simple way to do this is to either make small-talk with others when you are out and about, or if someone makes it with you respond in kind.  If they mention the weather, then talk about the weather back to them and be grateful for however long the interaction goes on.  You may be pleasantly surprised at how much it can do for your day.  The other is to intentionally join a group of some kind.  It doesn’t have to be an in-person group; it could be via the internet or phone.  You can look on Meet Up or on social media for groups to join that center around areas of interest you have.  If you suffer from social anxiety, that could present a special hurdle in managing to cross the line from being on your own to being a ‘joiner.’  The bottom line is to reach out somehow and connect with others in big and small ways.  

If You Still Can’t Overcome Loneliness…

You may need professional support if you experience loneliness in the context of some mental health diagnosis, such as social anxiety or depression.  Sometimes starting therapy and getting the right medication can help you gain enough functionality to be able to start reaching out to others and bridge the gap between yourself and the rest of the human race.  I have been helping others to overcome feelings of aloneness and the conditions that give rise to it my entire social work career and can assure you it is something that can be treated.  You don’t have to take my word for it, however.  Just call the number at the top of the screen or fill out an inquiry form if you live in Maryland or Texas and I will get back to you to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation.  That way you can get an idea about whether I can help you or not and start to break out of isolation just in the act of reaching out for help.  You owe it to yourself to connect with others!  

Visit our page on depression therapy to find out how Scott can help you overcome loneliness.

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.