Have you ever wondered whether polyamory might be good for you, particularly in the context of an ongoing relationship? Have you felt that at times being able to focus your love and affection on more than one partner would be beneficial for you? I will try to answer these questions in this week's blog post, so read on.

Polyamory is Something More People are Becoming Aware of These Days

With all of the talk and discussions about the varied aspects in forms of romantic interpersonal relationships these days, polyamory is becoming more of a topic, along with open relationships and other forms of having romantic or partnered relationships with others. It also comes ironically at a time where we as a culture and society are experiencing greater and greater levels of isolation and segmentation. So it does fly in the face of ongoing social and societal trends that would otherwise narrow our social options and contribute to more isolation and loneliness.

Polyamory As An Option to Increase Love and Connection

For some people, polyamory does offer a way to expand social, emotional, and relational connections when some other avenues might be more cut off. Depending on your particular sexual health values (see below), it might fit as a way to expand your ability to connect with others and have your relational and sexual needs met. There is nothing particularly immoral about it, but much does depend on what your own individual sexual health values are. These values (as distilled from the WHO) in short order are: consent, non-exploitation, protection from HIV/STI‘s and unintended pregnancy, honesty, shared values, and mutual pleasure. If someone has reflected on these who is also considering this type of relationship status mentioned above, and feels that they don’t violate any of these principles, then this form of relationship may very well be right for them.

When Polyamory Can Go Wrong

If you are someone who has been in a committed monogamous relationship for much or most of your life, and you find that you are longing for the love and affection of others, then there are some questions you need to ask yourself before seriously considering polyamory as an option for you. One of those is whether your current relationship is one that is struggling because of something other than your nature as a person who has many open and mutually, affectionate, committed relationships to others. By this, I mean if your monogamous relationship is struggling because of your own interpersonal issues and strife, then having multiple relationship partners is probably not going to solve that. There may very well be issues with your own mental health or your current relationship that need to be addressed first before ever considering bringing other people into your intimate relationship circle. Also, if you have sexual addiction and compulsivity issues, then these need to be looked at before you consider having multiple committed relationships with others. If you also struggle with drug or substance use addiction issues, as well as an inability to be honest and/or transparent with your romantic partners, then this form of relationship is not right for you.

The Long and Short of Polyamory

If you are still confused about whether polyamory is right for you or not, then the best place to focus is on the six sexual health principles listed above, and whether it fits for you based on your own conclusions about what is or is not okay. Also, if your current relationship or relationships are struggling because of your own mental health issues, or the problems that you are having with your relationship, then this form of relationship probably is not right for you. 

What I Can Add to the Polyamory Discussion/Decision Process

I’ve been working with individuals for about 10 years now in their own relationship situations, and I am very familiar with the sexual health principles listed above. I have worked with couples who have struggled both in and out of their relationships, and you have a healthy perspective on what might be right for you depending on your circumstances feel free to call me at the number listed above or fill out an inquiry form below if you would like my help in deciding whether polyamory is right for you and/or your relationship or not. In our times, it’s probably better to be open to considering as many possibilities for yourself and your own happiness and fulfillment as possible, as many people often dismiss or discourage what may very well be in someone else’s best interest. I encourage you to gain clarity on what is best and most appropriate for you in particular.

Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you cope with relationship decisions.  

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.