Are you someone who has experienced more than your fair share of shame in your life? Do you want to come out from underneath the cloud of this unpleasant emotion as soon as possible? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then this week’s offering is for you!

Shame is Such a Big Problem in Our World Today

There has probably never been a time when there has been so much shame in the world at large. We are at a time where so many people feel excluded from one group or another because of their differences, and this is a breeding ground for shame. This feeling also festers in situations where others are treated unequally, and wind up feeling “one down” for one reason or another.

Shame is a Very Common Emotion

Even though shame is a very common emotion, it can be very hard to identify within oneself. It’s often confused with embarrassment, which is a feeling of being very self-aware in circumstances when one has made some kind of mistake. Shame goes a lot deeper than that, however. It’s more about feeling excluded from a larger social group, as I mentioned above. It also is more of a fear of disconnection from others or a perceived social group, and is much more threatening than embarrassment. Most people do feel shame at one time or another and it is perhaps one of the most social emotions that people feel.

The Idea of ‘No Shame November’

Most of us are familiar with the idea of ‘No Shave November’ for men, so I thought it would be a good idea to have something much more profound with the feeling of shame that all genders can experience. It is something that can be focused on for one month, and conceivably be extended throughout the year. The idea is that, when you are up to have a feeling of shame or used to have a feeling of shame that you find some way to counter this. It could be as simple as saying “F – shame!“ if you notice the feeling and/or are inclined to feel it. It could be as profound as finding ways to experience self compassion in those circumstances as well. The social worker and author/speaker Brené Brown has also suggested that, the more we talk about shame, the less it tends to affect us. So finding others that you can talk to about your feelings of shame will tend to make it less daunting and overpowering.

Connection as the Antidote to Shame

Since shame is a profoundly social emotion, then anything you do that helps you to have a sense of connection to a larger social group will go a long way towards getting rid of shame. It is important for that group to be one that allows you to talk about and put into context any experiences of shame, such as a support group or therapy group. Other groups don’t really do much to address or alleviate experiences of shame if they are simply focused on looking down at others or somehow excluding others. Regardless of whether you have such a group to belong to, you can have a sense of connection within yourself.

Other Ways to Help Have a ‘No Shame November’

There are numerous ways to help to alleviate feelings of shame, as I have suggested above. One particular way that you can do on your own is known as the RAIN meditation, by Tara Brach. It is a mindfulness technique that helps you to identify one or more parts of yourself that may be feeling shame, or other unpleasant emotions, and any issues that may be related to it. Shame is always a feeling of alienation, so if you can be aware of some part or aspect of yourself that harbors a feeling of shame and find some way to be kind to or support it, that is one way to alleviate a feeling of shame.

What If You Continue to Struggle with Shame?

Shame is a feeling that is rooted in our feeling of being one down or less than, as I mentioned above. I’ve been helping my clients my entire clinical career to overcome feelings of shame and inadequacy. I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page, or to fill out an inquiry form below, and I will get back to you as soon as possible to schedule a free 20 minute consult if you live in Maryland or Texas. You do owe it to yourself to help to address and get rid of shame in your life. That is because you and those in your family and circle of friends need to be able to relate to you as an equal. This will empower you and those in your circle of friends and family going forward for years to come.

Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out how Scott can help you to overcome shame in your life.

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.