Do you find yourself blaming yourself if you’ve been a victim of sexual assault in the past? Did you ever experience blame from others for somehow experiencing a sexual assault? Do you walk around with a sense of shame and guilt for having gone through a sexual assault? If so, then you may suffer from victim-blaming and this week’s offering is for you. 

Victim-blaming is a Big Part of Sexual Assault

It’s a terrible and tragic thing when someone experiences a sexual assault. It affects the individual to their core in every way possible. One of the most awful experiences is when people get into victim-blaming with survivors of sexual assault. It drives the wound that much deeper, and compounds the problem for everyone involved.

The Emotional Aspects of Victim-blaming

If you’ve experienced victim-blaming in a sexual assault situation, then you know more than anyone else how deeply the suffering can go. For people who have experienced other types of assault and violence, there tends to be much more sympathy for the victim. The problem in our patriarchal culture is that when the crime involves a sexual component, the victim often gets part or much of the blame. This most unfortunate component of the situation fosters a tremendous amount of shame, guilt, self blame, and potentially self hate into an already traumatic situation. The victim not only experiences the trauma from the assault, but they also experience the moral judgment that actually belongs on the perpetrator.

The Total Impact of Victim-blaming

If you experience victim-blaming in the situation, then you not only experience the trauma from the sexual assault violation, as I mentioned above; but you also experience the shame, guilt, and remorse that the perpetrator should themselves feel. It’s as if the entire emotional weight of the situation falls on you instead of the guilty party.  That can translate into self hate, as well as addictive behaviors that may be necessary to self-soothe the person who is experiencing them in such cases. People can also experience suicidal ideation and suicide attempts, as well as self harming behaviors because of this horrific situation.

Victim-blaming and Isolation

If you’ve experienced victim-blaming, then you are even less likely than you might otherwise be to report sexual assault and/or confide in someone else to talk about the problem. So the risk of being isolated is even greater than it normally would if you’ve experienced this phenomenon.

What To Do If You’ve Experienced Victim-blaming With Sexual Assault

One of the first things to do is to try to muster the courage to talk to someone you trust about it. If there isn’t someone you already trust, then considering reaching out to a support agency that is designed for sexual abuse and sexual assault victims would be important. The problem is that for experiences of this kind of trauma, there’s already a high degree of tendency to isolate. If you are being victim-blamed, then you’re even more likely to isolate, as I mentioned above. At some point seeking out professional help will be essential, so be aware that at some point you will need to get professional help. Sexual assault is a terrible enough experience as it is, and this kind of stigmatizing only adds another major layer of trauma on top of that.

What If You Need Professional Help for Victim-blaming

I’ve been helping my clients to overcome the effects of trauma and being wrongly blamed for my entire social work career. If you feel like you have experienced victim-blaming, then I would be happy to talk to you in a free 20-minute phone consult if you live in Texas or Maryland. I use several forms of therapy that are helpful for dealing with the shame and other effects of sexual trauma, including EMDR and Image Transformation Therapy, or ImTT. Although I don’t specialize in working with sexual assault survivors, I could definitely let you know if your situation is one that I could be of help with. Regardless of the situation, I do encourage you to find someone you can trust and seek out help for this most challenging issue.

Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out more about how Scott can help you with victim-blaming.

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.