Do you ever notice getting strange or unusual reactions from your friends or family when you tell them about difficult experiences you’ve had? Do you find that you get triggered when listening to friends or family talk about their difficult experiences and not know how to handle it? If you answered yes to either of these two questions, then you may be engaging in trauma dumping or may be a victim of it without knowing it - - and please read on.

Trauma Dumping is a Real Problem

Sometimes we tend to minimize the effect of what other people tell us by calling it over-sharing or some other gentle way of describing what really is trauma dumping. Talking about our traumas can be considered cathartic in some ways, however there is a fine line between this and foisting our own difficult experiences on others. What often results in these cases are what we call secondary or vicarious trauma, which can be a result of trauma dumping.

 Exactly What is Trauma Dumping?

Anytime you’ve had a difficult experience and are inclined to tell others about it, you do have the potential for engaging in trauma dumping. It’s natural to want to get support for the difficult experiences we’ve been through, but then when we go to friends and family without knowing whether they’re really able to listen or take in what we’re talking about, then we can wind up unwittingly foisting our trauma on them. In addition, if they have a negative reaction to our trauma or we wind up getting retriggered, then you can wind up retraumatizing yourself without knowing it.

Trauma Dumping is Like Passing Around a Virus

While trauma is not something that we consider infectious, it is something that unlike other difficulties that we talk to others about doesn’t necessarily get lessened when we talk about it. If it’s really traumatic, then it has the potential to jar others just as much as you’ve been jarred or shocked by the impact of it. That’s why it’s good to ask your friends or family if it’s OK to share about some of your ordeal first, and then see if they’re willing to listen. If they are, then you’ve at least done your due diligence of getting permission before sharing about something difficult. It still may not land well with them, but you've certainly been polite enough to get permission first. The problem is that once somebody has absorbed our trauma like we have experienced it, then they may need professional help of their own because of the need to get help if somebody’s been traumatized. They may or may not be in the position to get help, but the trauma could potentially increase exponentially the more people that are told and have their own traumatic reactions to it.

So here are four things to help to mitigate the effects of or prevent trauma dumping:

1. Get permission before you tell somebody about your traumatic experience.

2. Check in with the person you’re telling to see how they’re doing. If they appear to be stunned or have a glazed over expression, then it probably would be a good idea to stop sharing, in addition to if they tell you that it’s all too much for them.

3. If you are the person listening to the trauma dumping, then do ask the other party to stop sharing if you are getting triggered, or at least excuse yourself so that you can take care of your own reaction to this trauma, as not doing so risks you contracting secondary or vicarious trauma.

4. Consider getting professional help if you are the victim of trauma or experience someone else’s trauma dumping.

What To Do If You Find You’re Trauma Dumping or Are a Victim of It

If you find you are shocked, overwhelmed, or otherwise emotionally rattled by an experience that you’ve been through, then do consider seeking professional help for it. If you are a victim of trauma dumping, then it would also be good to consider getting professional help if you are triggered by someone else’s trauma sharing. One of the initial things you can do to help mitigate the effects of someone else’s trauma is to use deep breathing to help settle your own nervous system down. You can also think of a place where you can put your trauma or your reaction to another person‘s trauma temporarily so that you can be calmer in reaction to the situation. This could be some receptacle that can keep something safe, like a tight box or a secret compartment. The idea is that you will figuratively park the traumatic experience there until you can get help for resolving it. This is meant to be a temporary measure only and not meant to be a permanent solution.

What if You Still Need Help with Trauma Dumping?

I’ve been helping my clients for my entire social work career to recover from trauma, both their own and others. I would be happy to talk to you about helping you to get a better idea about whether you could benefit from trauma therapy yourself. Feel free to call the number at the top of the page or fill out the form below, and I will get back to you as soon as possible to schedule a free 20 minute phone consult to see if I might be able to help you with your experience. Trauma affects us in so many ways: physical, mental, emotionally, and spiritually, so it is of the utmost importance that you do address the trauma dumping somehow. I support you in getting the help that you need in order to recover, because you are worth it!

Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out how Scott can help you to overcome trauma dumping.

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.