Are you someone who has ever been love-bombed only to later be left in the lurch by someone you thought loved you?  Are you someone who’s ever love-bombed someone else and later realized you didn’t really mean what you said and did?  In either case you could be a victim of love-bombing and the likely underlying mental health diagnoses that goes with it.  

The Insidious Problem of Love Bombing

Only within the last few years have I learned about the phenomenon of love-bombing although it has probably been around for a long time.  In love-bombing you direct your attention and affection to someone else in such a way as to create the impression that you love them or that they are the apple of your eye, or vice versa.  When this happens it can elicit strong feelings of affection from the other party and an impression that can be quite different from the reality of the situation, and the events that follow can unwittingly wind up blowing up the relationship because of the ambivalence that is necessarily waiting beneath the surface to express itself.  A lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings can be the end result.

The Issue is Not in the Love-Bombing Itself

While there’s nothing wrong with these strong displays of affection and admiration, the issue is more about what is behind them than anything else.  Unless they are grounded in real feelings of love and/or admiration, the love-bombing winds up being inherently deceptive and winds up being a ‘bust’ in the end.  It may very well cause the giver or receiver to believe this love-bombing should be happening all the time and can create an unrealistic standard for oneself or another to live up to, and that is where the inevitable disappointment can occur.  The reality is that there is no way love-bombing can be sustained in the course of a long-term committed relationship, so at some point this needs to be reckoned with.  So, without further ado, here are my reasons why love bombing is a bust:

The 4 Reasons Love Bombing is a Bust

1.  Love bombing falsely exaggerates feelings of love:  Even though you may feel enough love to warrant love-bombing at times, there’s no way anyone can feel that degree of love for someone else all the time.

2. It hides ambivalence.  As I mentioned above, this is something that is bound to happen unless someone is so sure of another person’s being the only true love for them they could never consider lavishing this much affection on anyone else.  Hear the violins playing???

3. It is necessarily manipulative and controlling.  I am trying to make you feel special or love for me or something else and my behavior practically won’t allow any other kind of reaction…except possibly running away as fast as possible.  

4. It creates a false impression and gets others ‘hooked’ on love from one source.  I read a headline in a personal ad once that said ‘If you want to be addicted to something, be addicted to me.’  That’s the spirit of love-bombing and all addictions usually lead to bad outcomes in the end.  

What If IContinue to Suffer From Love-Bombing After the Bust?

If you’ve lived through one or more love-bombing campaigns and are either shell-shocked or feeling like you need to keep doing it again and again, you probably should reach out for professional help.  Like I said, in many cases there is an underlying mental disorder that this kind of behavior masks and the sooner you get help for either engaging in it or being the target of it the better.  I’ve been helping people recover from bad experiences like this for my entire social work career and you at least owe it to yourself and future relationships to call me at the number on the top of the screen or fill out the inquiry form below and I can give you a free 20-minute phone consult with no strings attached.  If I can’t help you then someone can, but don’t let the bad taste of a love gone stale stay in your mouth without trying to do something about it.  True love waits for you on the other side of this.  

Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to read about how Scott can help you with love-bombing.

About the author:  Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland.  He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin.  He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.