Are the holidays a time you usually dread and look forward to ending as soon as possible? Do your memories of holidays in the past consist of ones that involve disappointment and heartache? Do you often feel a letdown when the holidays are over as well? If you answered yes to most or all of these questions, then do read on because this week’s post is for you!
Christmas Ghosts Come in All Forms
If you grew up in a family that was abusive or had addiction issues, you probably never had a good Christmas or holiday season. The reasons for this are many. Either your parents and family were too checked out to ever focus on you and think of what would make the children happy, or they were downright abusive and taking out their own misery on your or your siblings. You may have had expectations based on what you saw in the media as depicted in movies and TV and felt so bad because of how your family holiday season never matched up with the way it was depicted in Hollywood. Believe it or not, most people tend to feel this way whether they acknowledge it or not.
Just Who are the Ghosts of Christmas?
The ghosts of the past are the past traumas from growing up in an abusive or neglectful family. They can also be anniversaries of losses suffered in childhood or adulthood that have cast a pall over this time of year for many people. The spirits of the present are the ongoing stressors that can serve to haunt many people’s daily lives. They can take the form of disease or relationship stressors that tend to be chronic, or dealing with relatives that haven’t changed and refuse to see you as an adult worthy of being treated as such. They can be the old family roles that persist into the present day that everyone in the family keeps living out despite how everybody winds up feeling miserable each time they kick in. The ghosts of the future can come when you look at the new year with the same dread you approached the holiday with, seeing the future as a never ending repetition of the past.
How to Deal with the Christmas Ghosts
Each individual can find different ways to deal with the holiday ghosts from past, present, and future. One of the keys to dealing with those from the past is first acknowledging they are there and finding others who have had similar experiences to get support from. Many people who attend Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) can attest to the power or mutual support in coping with ghosts from the past. Dealing with the ghosts of the present can be much the same, but having some time to process experiences that haunt you in the present can be critical. Many people benefit from practices like journaling to get out difficult feelings that continue to be generated by current stressors like difficult family members that will try to ruin other’s holiday season, either deliberately or or inadvertently. Developing boundaries that you think are important and letting others know when they have violated them is important, as well as refusing to be a part of any ‘celebration’ that is abusive to you is also important. Dealing with the ghosts of the future relates to taking things as much one day at a time as you’re looking towards the New Year and avoiding making grand resolutions to make drastic changes that can unwittingly set you up for failure. Making plans is a great practice, but having incremental steps to achieving them is one of the keys to success.
What To Do If Your Christmas Ghosts Refuse to Go Away
Sometimes the ghosts persist despite your best efforts to dispel them. That is often the nature of trauma itself, so when this happens that just means you are dealing with past trauma and need extra help and support to recover. I’ve been helping people recover from past trauma for my entire career as a therapist, and I would be happy to help you get a better idea of whether I can help you or not. I encourage you to call the number at the top of this page or fill out the form below and I can arrange to have a free 20 minute consultation with you over the phone. That way you can see if I’m a fit for you and take some positive action to recover from the Christmas ghosts, and any other ghosts that keep haunting you. You deserve better from life than an endless cycle of spookiness, so reach out for the help and support soon!
Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out how Scott can help you overcome the Christmas ghosts.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He h is tas an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent bookitled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.