Do you often feel inhibited in social situations, and wonder where this came from? Do you remember having had a deep-seated sense of insecurity about yourself from an early age, but aren’t sure where this came from? Chances are there is some emotional mistreatment in your background, despite whether you feel like you had a normal childhood or not.
Social Anxiety is a Big Problem These Days
While the exact numbers and percentages may vary, the last three years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of people suffering from all kinds of mental illness due to the imposed isolation of the pandemic. Many people who may have had some degree of social anxiety beforehand will find that it has increased over that time. Others who may not have suffered from social anxiety, may find themselves having acute experiences of social anxiety since the lockdowns of several years ago.
The Seeds of Social Anxiety in Childhood
You may feel like you had a perfectly normal childhood, but oftentimes the seeds of social anxiety will be in childhood despite this often firmly held belief. While some individuals have had experiences of being criticized, scrutinized, or worse from their caregivers growing up; many others report having had a “happy“ childhood and still suffer from social anxiety all the same. What’s the common thread? Any time a child is not “seen and known,“ as the psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk has been quoted as saying, there is trauma that has occurred. Many of these incidents of trauma go under the radar, particularly in a child’s mind. Of course, larger traumas, such as major abuse and neglect can cause a child to have social anxiety going forward. However, many instances where a child feels criticized, scrutinized, or otherwise made to feel very self-conscious, can lead to social anxiety as well. Bullying is an excellent example of this.
How Can You Really Know If You Got Social Anxiety as a Child?
Sometimes the cause is obvious, as I mentioned above. Sometimes the cause is not so obvious, but a key question to ask yourself when it’s not is one that was posed by Dr. Gabor Mate in his book The Myth of Normal. Ask yourself if you felt safe going to your parents with an emotional upset, particularly when you were entering adolescence. If the answer is no, then there was some degree of questioning the safety of going to your parents with anything that bothered you. And if you couldn’t go to your parents for your emotional upsets, then the ability to cope with them yourself as an adult is already questionable.
How to Decide if Professional Help with Social Anxiety is Needed
Most people who suffer from some degree of social anxiety do feel the need for professional help. It’s particularly pointed if you suffered one of the “big T traumas,“ that I mentioned above. If you don’t know whether you suffered from any kind of trauma growing up, then it’s probably just as well that you seek out professional help if you feel like you have social anxiety disorder. It may take some time to uncover the roots of the social anxiety, but often treating these can be key to eventual recovery.
What I Can Do To Help with Social Anxiety
I’ve been helping my clients recover from all kinds of anxiety and depression for my entire social work career, and I have also helped a number of individuals recover from social anxiety of their own. I encourage you to either call the number at the top of the page or fill out an inquiry form below for a free 20 minute phone consultation with me to get a better idea about whether I can help you with your own potential social anxiety. Your happiness is very important, and getting help for social anxiety so that you can reconnect with people who matter in your life and those potentially who can matter a great deal is of great importance. Don’t put off your own return to social connection another day!
Visit our page on anxiety therapy to find out how Scott can help you cope with social anxiety.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.