Do you find yourself turning to porn or compulsive sexual behavior after an upsetting event and wonder ‘How did I get here?’ Do you sometimes find yourself feeling numb after engaging in compulsive sexual behavior, or even worse...feeling guilty or ashamed? These are a few of the signs of using sex as self-medication.
What is Self-Medication?
People in our society self-medicate for tons of different reasons in tons of different ways. They may feel upset after a disappointing experience, or may have had expectations of something turning out differently than it did. Whatever the reason, they turned to some substance or behavior to help take away the pain, fear, anger, shame, guilt, hunger, loneliness, or fatigue. We have so many people in this country alone who have died from opioid and other drug overdoses, that the problem has become an epidemic. Yet we still look for ways to self-medicate, to escape from the emotional upset we feel. It’s human nature to try to avoid pain and seek pleasure.
Where Things Go Wrong with Sexual Self-Medication
Some people use sex as their outlet. They may use other substances and behaviors as well, but for some sex is one of their primary sources of pleasure or gratification. We have this as something we carry around in our bodies, so it’s one of the simplest go-to’s for relief of emotional pain whatever the reason may be. If this becomes a habit that starts early enough in someone’s life, it can become compulsive or problematic. One of the primary signs of this is when the person has trouble stopping themselves even when their better judgment tells them it would be best not to do it.
The 3 Signs You’re Self-Medicating with Sex
You have managed to feel numb after the behavior, but never did anything else to effectively cope with an upsetting event. I’m not talking about using substances initially here, but rather some healthy coping behavior like venting with a friend or family member.
You didn’t necessarily intend to look at porn or engage in some other sexual behavior before you did it, you just kind of ‘wound up’ doing it.
Later on you feel some form of guilt or shame, which winds up making you feel worse than you did before you acted compulsively.
What You Can Do About It
If you’re reading this blog, you probably realize what you’re doing in terms of self-medicating. That’s important, because you can’t change anything until you realize what you’re doing. The next thing you can do is to start using some healthy coping skills instead of compulsive porn viewing or other problematic sexual behavior when you are triggered the next time into feeling some degree of emotional pain or upset. Many people benefit from healthy coping skills like those I alluded to above. These also include things like journaling, getting vigorous exercise, or any one of many other activities that help get the feelings out and de- escalate your degree of emotional activation. Getting others involved in supporting you in engaging in these in terms of accountability can be helpful as well!
How I Help Others with Self-Medication
I’ve been treating clients as a social worker for over 10 years now, and have extensive experience in helping men overcome compulsive or addictive sexual behavior. If you think you need help and want to find out if I can help you with your own compulsivity and self-medication, I encourage you to reach out to me at 512-648-3053, or fill out the form at the bottom of the page and I will get back to you as soon as possible. I offer free 45-minute face-to-face consults to help you find out if I can help you. I can assure you that fact that you are reading this page is a good sign that you can get better and deal with your emotional pain and discontent head on. Getting help is actually a sign of strength, not a weakness. I hope you get the help you need in any case!
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His new e-book is entitled Life’s Lessons from the Young and the Old and is available for purchase on Amazon.
Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to learn more about how Scott can help you overcome compulsive sexual behavior.