Do you tend to use substance(s) while you are searching for or having sex? Do you find you need increasing amounts of a substance to get the same ‘bang’ from your sexual experiences? Do you feel remorse for the lengths you’ve gone to get not only a substance, but also for trying to get the sex to go with it? Read on to find out about the cycle you may be caught in, and for how to break it.
What is Chemsex?
Chemsex is a term for the use of substances or ‘chemicals’ to get or increase the intensity of your sexual experience(s). This concept has been around a long, long time in one form or another. As long as there have been intoxicating substances on the earth, people have used them to make sex easier to have or more enjoyable, or both. These days it has been more associated with a subgroup of chemicals like MDMA, cocaine, ketamine, and crystal meth that are known to somehow improve or enhance the experience for some people.
Chemsex is Becoming More of a Problem as Time Goes On
All you need to be aware of is how overdoses are increasing, as well as untreated STI’s (Monkeypox is one of these), to know that the problem has only gotten worse in the last few years. Several of the chemsex drugs have some serious health implications, most notably crystal meth really tears people up in many ways. One of them is being used in research for treating some forms of mental illness, but it is still vulnerable to being abused unless it is administered by a physician who knows how to do so. On top of that, our culture puts such a premium on having ‘peak’ experiences and being able to perform sexually, which only increases the pressure put on the sex act and leads people to try all kinds of adventurous and wild things.
The Vicious Cycle of Chemsex
Any substance that is used habitually over time will tend to require more of it to be used to produce the same effect. When this happens with chemsex the substance produces a dependency that will ultimately overshadow the sex act it is being used for. That is where the crux of the problem is at. You need the drug to get the high, and when it is used in increasing amounts then you are caught in a trap. You are no longer free to use it or not. You have to use it and then become enslaved to it. You use it to connect with other people and eventually it breaks your connection to anything other than it. You wind up being isolated no matter how many partners you have or how many times you have sex with them. And some of the chemicals used for chemsex, like cannabis, only decrease your inhibition for sex and don’t increase the intensity of the feeling with sex.
How to Break the Chemsex Cycle
The first step in breaking the cycle is to realize you are caught in it. Until you do that, you don’t see you’re caught in the first place. You may hear family or friends talk about being “concerned” about your use or behavior. You need to take that seriously, because it’s coming from people who actually care about you and want the best for you. The next thing to do is to seek help for your chemical dependency, either by reaching out to a friend, family member, therapist, or support group. You can try to stop cold turkey, but getting support from others helps to break the isolation that you are caught in despite what you may think about that. People who suffer from addictions are very isolated no matter how many people or partners they may have in their lives. Sometimes people need to go to a detox facility in order to get the right support to get their systems clean from whatever it is they are addicted to before making any other big changes. After that happens then you can start looking at how your sex life has been dominated by compulsive behavior, which may or may not be something you figure out with the help of others who have some objectivity on your situation.
Where I Can Help with Breaking the Chemsex Cycle
I’ve been helping men to overcome compulsive behaviors my whole social work career, mainly problematic or compulsive sexual behavior. I have experience helping people in overcoming substance use issues, but have found that most often a support group or other recovery program is essential in getting my clients systems clean and clear enough so they can start looking at their messy and convoluted sex lives. Sometimes they find they need to address problematic or compulsive sexual behavior, in which case I can help you in overcoming this. I use a tried and true model based on sexual health principles, as well as bringing in some helpful therapy modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Image Transformation Therapy (ImTT) to help root out the causes of the addictive behavior(s) in the first place. I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page or fill out the form below and I can get back to you for a free consultation to help you figure out whether I can help you with your set of problems or not. It all starts and ends with you, so I encourage you to make a healthy decision to get the support you need and deserve!
Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to find out how Scott can help you with chemsex.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.