Do you sometimes lie regardless of whether it is important to tell the truth or not? Do you tend to have a lot of unnecessary complications in your relationships? Is it hard for you to keep track of the lies you have told to others, and get caught in your lies? If ‘yes’ is your answer to most or all of these questions, you may have a problem with pathological lying.
How Prevalent Are Pathological Liars
Most people lie sometimes, but for others it’s almost a way of life. While people who struggle with pathological lying don’t make up a large percentage of the population, they do cause an outsized percentage of trouble due to the chaos they cause in their lives and the lives of others. Compulsive lying is a symptom of several different kinds of personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. While you may have a problem with lying, that doesn’t necessarily make you a pathological liar.
What Drives Pathological Lying
Pretty much everything that causes people to become pathological liars is some form of trauma, and the earlier in life it happens the more devastating it usually is. For some people, lying becomes a way to avoid trouble with others. If you lie as a kid to keep from getting punished, this is fairly typical. The same can be true if you lie to somehow keep the peace in your family growing up. Sometimes kids in alcoholic or addictive families lie as a way of adapting to a sick situation growing up, because being honest calls everything the adults are doing into question. If this becomes a baked-in personality trait, then people can lie sometimes for no good reason as part of their character. This is when it goes from becoming something adaptive to being very maladaptive. So what are the 4 ways to tell if this is a problem you struggle with?
4 Ways to Tell If You’re a Pathological Liar:
If you’re reading this blog post without being told to do it, you’re probably not a pathological liar. The reason being is that people with this problem have a healthy dose of denial.
You lie for seemingly no good reason: whether it’s important or not.
You’re relationship(s) are generally a mess: you may have multiple relationship or sex partners and none of them have a good idea about what is going on (even if they suspect you’re pulling the wool over their eyes).
There is some compulsive feeling that is driving your tendency to lie: either it makes you feel powerful or it is exciting, or gives you some positive feeling from doing it. It’s not really to avoid something in this case.
The Good News and the Bad News About Compulsive Liars
The good news is that if you are aware you have a problem with this issue, you have a start at getting past it. The key is to get therapy help and work on addressing the root of why you lie to recover from it. The bad news is that only a small percentage of those who struggle with this issue ever recover from it. Usually it accompanies other addiction issues, such as alcoholism, compulsive gambling disorder, or problematic sexual behavior. Those can be the thing that brings you in for treatment, but unless the compulsive lying is addressed there can generally be no lasting recovery. That’s because you need to be able to be honest with your therapist and yourself, and if compulsive lying is part of a personality trait that’s baked in…you're really going against the grain to get over it.
What If I Want to Get Past Pathological Lying?
While I don’t treat pathological lying on it’s own, I do help men who have compulsive or addictive sexual behavior and some other behavioral addictions to recover from their own issues with compulsive lying or dishonesty. I have helped these men for my entire therapy career and can attest to the fact that they have the capacity to recover if they can be honest with me and themselves. You can call the number at the top of the page or fill out the inquiry form below and I can get back to you to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation so you can get some idea about whether I might be able to help you or not. You may not feel like it, but you have nothing to lose that’s of real and lasting value by getting help. In therapy you really learn the meaning of the phrase ‘The truth will set you free.’
Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to find out how Scott can help you with coping skills.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.