Do you wonder why you keep picking partners that are bad for you? Do you wonder why you are still single despite family and friends telling you how wonderful you are? Do you struggle to communicate in your primary relationship in order to develop emotional intimacy? If so, then this week’s blog post is for you!
Relationship Therapy is an Enormous Need These Days
We live in a time where people are not trained to be able to navigate close personal relationships, but we also live in a time where there’s been never a greater emphasis on partners and the need to get support from a partner. This creates a tremendous dilemma for people because of the difficulties in navigating relationships and all of the pressure that is put on them. The result is that people keep searching for relationships that are going to meet all of their needs, but they struggle to make those relationships sustainable.
The Need for Relationship Therapy is a Sign of How Important Partnership Is
None of us are meant to live in isolation from each other. In our present times there happens to be a ton of isolation, but so much of a need to feel a sense of belonging to something greater than just ourselves. Part of the conflict is that we are encouraged by our culture to be selfish for the most part, and this leaves us with a struggle to figure out how to live with others and navigate interpersonal relationships. In addition to that, most people in their 20s and 30s are trying to find intimacy, but lack the ability to be vulnerable emotionally with their partners. This ability to be vulnerable emotionally is what I sometimes call being relational.
Relationship Therapy Helps You To Be More Relational
One of the primary benefits of the relationship therapy that I offer is that it helps you not only connect more with yourself, but it also helps you to be able to connect more with others. You need to be able to develop a sense of your inner world and how to embrace vulnerable part(s) of yourself that many people struggle to do over their entire lives. Once you were able to do that, then the focus becomes building skills that help you to learn to relate to others from a place of what the author and therapist Terry Real calls “loving power.“ This is a way of relating that helps you to relate to others as equals, instead of from a “one up” or “one down“ stance. Equality in relationships is necessary for healthy and happy long-term relationships.
Relationship Therapy and ‘Improving Your Picker’
One of the keys to successful relationship therapy is being able to decide if someone you are dating or involved with romantically is a suitable candidate for a long-term relationship. Some people have no criteria for deciding this, and other people have lists of criteria that are too long for most people to be with them for the long term. I work with many of my clients on working up a list of criteria that is important, but not so exclusive that worthwhile individuals don’t measure up. Often times it comes down to having a shortlist of “must haves” for a partner, and then having as long a list of “like to’s” for a partner that hopefully your ideal mate will meet. That way you don’t pass on people who are worthwhile, but you do stay aware of everything that you hope for in a relationship. That way you can be as realistic about picking someone as possible.
How to Know if Relationship Therapy is Right for You?
I’ve been helping my clients to be more relational for my entire social work career, and I would be happy to talk to you and help you get a better idea about whether relationship therapy would be right for you. Simply fill out the form below, or call the number at the top of the page, and I will give you a free 20 minute phone consult to help give you a better idea about this. The main thing is that you find ways to develop an ability to have close interpersonal partner relationships so that you can set yourself up for success instead of failure in your search for the right partner. This can make a difference in the entirety of your life course, and help ensure that you don’t live in isolation and loneliness. Whatever the case, I do support you in taking steps to increase your ability to connect with yourself and others for your own health and well-being.
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you with relationship therapy.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.