Are you someone who hates conflict in your relationship? Do you find yourself much of the time doing anything to avoid having to confront your partner about a problem? Do you find yourself struggling with resentment in your relationship? If you answered yes to two or more of the questions, then please read on because this week’s blog post is for you!
Many Couples Struggle in Addressing Small Issues
It’s very common in our current time for couples to avoid confronting each other about small issues they’re having in their relationship. Many people want to smooth things over in their relationships, and wind up not bringing up small issues that are bothering them. The problem with this is that the small things wind up snowballing and can’t eventually become big resentment in your relationship.
How Small Problems Can Snowball Into Big Problems
If you are someone who highly prizes harmony in your relationship, then it can be the greatest temptation to overlook addressing small issues for the sake of keeping the peace. The problem is that if these things actually do bother you and you don’t speak up in the relationship, then eventually you are looking at developing a resentment towards your partner. Resentments are toxic for relationships, and are often linked to feelings of contempt that can be very damaging for your partnership.
How To Keep Small Issues From Becoming Big Problems
When you notice that something is bothering you in the relationship, take note of this and resolve to speak to your partner about it somehow. You need not address it in the moment, but being able to tell your partner that you feel frustrated or upset about something, and being specific about what it is about are two parts of effective communication. Being sure to mention the issue and what your feeling is about it as soon after the incident is key to keeping problems from snowballing. Your partner may or may not be receptive to what you have to say, but if you have already gotten their agreement to talk about the problem with them, then that is the only thing you have control over. As the famous couples therapist, Terry Real has said, when you have spoken up for yourself on behalf of the relationship at least it’s been a good day for you even if it hasn’t been a good day for the relationship.
Why Speaking Up Is So Important In Keeping Small Issues From Snowballing
As I mentioned above, speaking up early about small issues keeps you from having a resentment or developing contempt for your partner. Very often it is difficult to speak about big anger issues compared to small frustrations, so that is all the more reason to speak up early when small issues are affecting you somehow. In addition, people who tend to want peace at all costs in their relationship often don’t speak up enough in the relationship. This means that for you to grow and mature in your relationship, you need to find your voice and act like the equal that you are to your partner no matter how they may come off in their interactions with you. One of the biggest mistakes that people make in their relationships is to not take on a partner who acts or appears superior in the relationship from the outset.
What If You Continue to Struggle in Bringing Up Small Issues in Your Relationship?
I’ve been helping my clients for my entire social work career in navigating their primary relationships, and I have a very good technique for helping couples to improve their communication and address underlying resentment in their relationships. I would be happy to talk with you if you live in Texas or Maryland for a brief 20 minute couples consult so you and your partner can get a better idea about whether I can help you in your relationship situation. I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page, or fill out an inquiry form below, and I will get back to you as soon as I can to schedule a consult. You owe it to yourself, your relationship, and your family to address small issues before they become big problems to help attain the deep sense of connection that you long for.
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you keep small issues from becoming big problems.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.