Do you ever wonder why you continue to engage in the same self-destructive behavior despite your best intention? Do you often notice a big discrepancy between what you value in life, and then what you wind up doing by undercutting that? Do you often feel mystified by the things you do in contrast to who you know yourself to be? if you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then you are probably dealing with what is commonly known as the shadow. I will attempt to shine some light on the subject in this week's offering.
The Shadow is a Big Issue for Many People These Days
Psychologist Carl Jung conceived of the shadow about 100 years ago, following Freud’s discovery of the Id. It may have been a long time since this idea was discovered, but it certainly is a problem just as much today as it was back then. This concept pertains to the parts of ourselves that we hide, repress, or deny. It happens to have a big relevance in the area of addiction treatment and recovery. In fact, this part of one’s personality is basically where most people's addiction issues reside.
How the Shadow Relates to People's Addictions
Most people who suffer from addiction either try to hide the behavior, or they even deny that they have that in the first place. In addition, people tend to feel great amounts of shame about their addiction issues, especially one like sex addiction. This is a big clue that the shadow is where people's addiction issues reside. Even though people who suffer from addiction may tend to act out on these addictions with other people, their true feelings and inner experience is hidden from them. The addiction serves as a kind of a balm over the intense feelings of shame and worthlessness that can often accompany people who have addictions. People often will deny that they have addictions, sometimes being the last one in their friends and family group to know and be aware of it being a problem. Sometimes people do interventions on their family members just to get them to see that they have a problem that everybody else already sees.
The Shadow and the Recovery Process
Once people are confronted with the severity and the extent of their addiction issues, they may or may not embark on an intentional recovery process. If they don’t, then they're going full throttle into denial. If they do start their recovery process, then they are inevitably going to have to face their shadow. Some recovery programs specifically require people to take an inventory of their faults and/or character defects. This is designed to help people get acquainted with their experience of their dark side(s). In other forms of recovery from addictions the individual is encouraged to get to know aspects of their shadow in order to gain a greater degree of self acceptance. This is not to be confused with condoning their bad behavior. It’s designed to help people get past that behavior by accepting themselves as they are. This is a key recovery concept that is often misunderstood.
Why Don’t We Just Get Rid of the Shadow?
If getting rid of the shadow were possible, then everybody would be doing it. In fact, most people spend a majority of their waking hours trying to hide it, as the definition above indicates. So the goal is not to get rid of this part of us, but it is important to be able to work with that part in order to hopefully repurpose it so that it can serve us rather than to undermine us. Regardless of this, there is everything to be gained by getting to know your shadow.
What If You Continue to Struggle with Your Shadow?
Sometimes people's shadows seem very overwhelming and scary. I’ve been spending my entire social work career helping people to deal with that part of their psyche in order to recover from whatever they’ve done. Once you learn to not be afraid of your shadow, then you have a much better chance of it working for you. I can help show you how to do that, as I’ve been helping my male clients to overcome their sex addiction issues for my entire career as well. I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page, or fill out the form below if you live in Maryland or Texas, and I will get back to you as soon as possible to schedule a free 20 minute phone consult to help give you a better idea of whether I can help you with your particular addiction issue. Whatever you do, I do support you in getting to know your dark side(s) and helping to unlock your full potential as a whole human being.
Visit our page on sex addiction therapy to learn more about how Scott can help you with the shadow.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.