Do you and your partner struggle to find time to spend with just each other? Do you feel like your relationship has gotten stale and you don’t spend much time doing anything fun with your partner? Do the demands of family life keep getting in the way of time connecting with your partner? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I urge you to read on to get help in having date nights regularly.
The Modern Time Squeeze and Finding Time for Date Nights
We live in a hyper-busy world that prioritizes productivity over connection and results over process, so no wonder it is so difficult to find time to just be with your partner and find time to enjoy alone time with fun activities. Or maybe you can have fun with your partner, but taking care of kids or in-laws keep getting in the way of time alone with your partner. Add in the challenge of finding child care and/or affording it since Covid came along and it can seem like an insurmountable challenge to get alone time with one’s spouse.
Date Nights and the Challenge of Ease and Familiarity
Some couples treat date nights as something that only couples that are courting do. They think once they are settled into the routine and regularity of a committed relationship, there shouldn’t be a need for going out and having fun together. Nothing could be further from the truth! The temptation is to take your partner for granted and think you already know everything about them. The fact is that each of us is continually changing and finding ways to connect through fun activities is essential to keeping the spark of passion alive, as well as learning more about each other through shared fun experiences.
How to Make Date Nights a Priority
You first have to agree between the two of you that the two of you need to have one to one time in order to help your relationship to thrive. At that point, it just becomes a matter of trying to find child care if you have children and two plan something enjoyable that you can do together. Then finding a mutually agreeable time that doesn’t conflict with your work schedules is also important at that point in the process.
Date Nights and the Fun Agenda
If you’re not sure about what the two of you could do together on date nights, then it’s important to sit down and to make a list of things that you both enjoy doing that you would find mutually enjoyable together. Then going ahead and planning something that is at the intersection of your two fun agendas is the next step. It doesn’t need to be anything grand, but at least taking a half hour to an hour if you have overly busy schedules to go out and do something together, perhaps on the weekends is all important.
Date Nights and Increasing Intimacy
There’s been so much talk and recent years about how important it is to increase intimacy in your relationship, and one important type of intimacy is that which you experience having fun together. It’s not just about sharing emotions and things like that, it’s also about experiencing yourselves together in the act of simply having fun. If all you’re doing is sharing deep serious emotions with each other, then you’re not experiencing the levity that goes with the bless of simply enjoying life.
What if Date Night Continues to be Elusive
I’ve been helping my clients to find ways that they can experience date nights with their partners for my entire social work career, and I can assure you that I have much to offer in the area of promoting and supporting you and your partner and having date nights. Sometimes it’s much more basic issues by communication that couple struggle with. I can help you with that too. I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page, or fill out an inquiry form below, and I’ll get back to you to schedule a free consult for you and your partner to get a better idea about whether I can help you with your own relationship situation. Whatever you do, do you make an effort to try and get together to have fun for the sake of your relationship, family, and your entire community. All will benefit from you having fun in your relationship.
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out more about how Scott can help you in starting to have date nights.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.